Vignettes from a reluctant working Mom’s life:
See Baby coming home smelling like another woman, the new daycare assistant whom we haven’t even met. Feel very viscerally wrong to have baby smell like a stranger.
See Baby falling asleep on the drive home AND on the drive in to town because he’s not really napping at daycare. Awake hours with baby in evening yesterday: 1. Total for day: maybe 3 (including drive to town and morning “get ready” time).
See Mom stressing about lowered mom-milk production, leading to more “quality” time with the pump at work and desperate middle-of-the-night “extra” pumping sessions. Ouch.
See house disintegrate into chaos due to lack of organization and being home for approximately 1.5 awake hours on most working days. Too messy for guests, cats or even smooth daily living. Ug.
See Mom’s mood deteriorate due to not having time to exercise (exacerbated due to snow, cold and darkness). See Mom argue with husband about a variety of things due to darkened mood.
See Mom eat cookies and drink coffee in desperate attempt to stay awake and get something done… see mood deterioration, above.
See Mom stress about inability to use timesaving crockpot, vaccum cleaner, washing machine, chest freezer, dishwasher, dryer, microwave etc either because of the lack of solar energy to run them or the lack of said appliance due to moral/frugality ideals. Cursed ideals!
See Mom sitting alone in cubicle, trying to motivate self to do random silent office work, feeling ever-increasingly guilty about goals not met. See Mom trying to tell herself she is lucky to have job, etc. See Mom remain unconvinced.
THE WORST ONE: (that lead me to post this when I held back yesterday, thinking it too whiney): See Baby exhibit separation anxiety FOR the daycare provider (ie cry/reach for her this morning, over Mom.) Ouch.
See Mom try desperately to rise above situation and motivate some sort of big family/professional change; sell house? Move to town? Stage big fit? Freelance? Beg for money? Hmmm. Any advice or inspiration out there? Stay tuned!
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4 comments:
I'm so sorry. It was a similar situation that led me home from my last job. Every sacrifice we made to make that possible was worth it, but they were actual sacrifices, most of them neither fun nor easy.
((Hug))
Oh , how we wish we could wave a magic wand and make it all BETTER! We have confidence that you can work together and somehow make "lemonade"! Some sunny days can help the immediate concern BUT think big and aim high for the future. We love you and will help in any way we can.
Mom and Dad
Hm, I've tried to leave you a comment but blogger is being difficult. I sent you hugs, and the suggestion that maybe you could bring the crockpot to work and plug it in under the desk? I used to bring a cooler and do my grocery shopping at lunch. I had to work until my oldest hit kindergarten. Thankfully the housing boom let me roll a bunch of stuff into the mortgage and I could quit. Now, of course, we're stuck here forever but I can spend more time with the kidlets. And I miss the intellectual stimulation of doing a good job at work and the reward of a paycheck. Cleaning toilets, not all that. You will get through this, and your child loves you. Hang in there!
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